53. The joys and pains of adolescence

An interesting couple of weeks.

Our new program is up and running and most of the matches seem to have taken off incredibly quickly and well. The beauty of being involved in youth mentoring programs is their unpredictability! I have had a few splutters trying to get the Student Online Performer completed, but I hope to have that done next week. I would prefer it completed before the mentoring relationship is too far down the road, as that gives a better idea of where the students are at when they begin the journey.

There have been some wonderful developments. One student, who was ready to leave school a few months ago, is now absolutely convinced that she needs to complete her final two years of schooling and seems pretty motivated to do so. Her mentor arranged for her to meet another mentor who works at a local tertiary education institution. This visit was a great success and the student commented that she did not know how many options there were for her until that day. Another heads off with her student to visit a small business in the area tomorrow. Yet another took his mentee to visit a few small businesses a couple of weeks ago. The student is now more motivated to move forward with his career planning and is going to ask one of the people he visited if he can have a week of work experience there.

On the flipside of the coin is the reality that students are still adolescents, have all the mood swings etc. etc. One student has spent far too much time away from school. This has hampered the mentoring relationship. The mentor helped arrange a work experience for the student. The student attended two of the four days and that about sums up where this youngster is at. Perhaps, though, the student realised that she was not cut out for that particular profession.

Mentors continually need to be reminded that the students are adolescents and their behaviour patterns are unlikely to change after one 'chat' with their mentor. I will send out a reminder about this when I email all the mentors tomorrow. I fear some mentors beat themselves up because they don't feel they are achieving enough fast enough, or they expect their mentee to change behaviour patterns, forgetting the huge peer pressure and so on. Over and over again I see my role as reminding the mentors that they are seed sowers - patience, patience, patience!

Over and above all this, I am becoming increasingly concerned at the lack of role modelling in far too many families. Parenting skills are woefully lacking ............ then, again, that's also a generalisation.

52. Mentors and the danger of high expectations

In recent weeks I have had a number of discussions with mentors who have expressed disappointment that their mentees might not have completed a relatively easy task they agreed to see completed when last they met.

During the training I suggest to mentors that they have no expectations of their mentees. Then they will not be disappointed! Most of these students are lacking self-confidence and genuinely believe that they can't achieve much with their lives. This is because of the messages they might have been receiving from parents, peers and teachers. Perhaps it is because they might have a sibling who appears to do well at school, in sport or in some other area and they spend time comparing themselves to this sibling. There are many reasons for these situations, the most common one that I have come across being a mentee living in an unstable, insecure environment.

Anyway, it's been a good time to remind mentors not to have these unreal expectations and rather to use their mentoring sessions to do all the things they and their mentees want to do. While they might not achieve as much in the time available, they might decide to continue meeting one another at the end of the formal program and thus they have some strong foundations on which to build the next leg of their journey. If they quietly persevere, there is a very good chance the young person's self-esteem will be on the rise and then anything becomes possible.

Mentors continue to underestimate the positive effect their weekly appearances for these mentoring sessiomns have on their mentees ie, a volunteer adult consistently turning up week after week to encourage them to reach their potential.

A couple of mentors have organised visits to local businesses or a local tertiary training institution during the past couple of weeks and they are already beginning to see the positives from these excursions.

The beauty of mentoring is that it is so unpredictable!

51. New matching, interesting progress

A busy week last week. On Tuesday the new group of mentors attended the matching session with the new group of students. There is a lot of flu going around at the moment, so it was not really a surprise that a couple of students were away from school. Then one of the students arrived with a friend. The friend wanted to participate, but did not really know much about the program. Unfortunately the School Coordinator was away at another function, so I had some quick decision-making to do. Another girl had arrived as well and insisted that she was supposed to be there. Her name was not on the list! A mentor from the previous program at the school, who also taught part-time there, came to my rescue. She looked for students who had not arrived. A couple of students said they no longer wanted to participate in the program - they have no idea of the opportunity they will be missing, but we don't want students to participate if they are not keen to do so. Eventually we got under way and I allowed the new students to stay. It was good having two mentors from the previous program participating in this program.

We had plenty of laughter and fun even though I had to condense the program because of the late start. Both mentors and students made their confidential choices at the end and I am processing these at the moment. I am still waiting for the school to inform me as to which students who were away that day will remain in the program. With the matching due to take place on Tuesday, I have little time to get things organised. Hopefully, things will come together.

What have I learnt?

Probably the key points which I will take into future matchings will involve having more students present than mentors and all the paperwork from the students completed and handed in to the School Coordinator. This latter point has been an ongoing issue in all our programs and one we do need to get on top of. Also, it's crucial that the School Coordinator is present.

The two other programs had many highs! Mentors are beginning to arrange visits to local businesses and to the local tertiary institutions their mentees are interested in attending. Another mentor is assisting her mentee, who is working through some difficult issues at the moment, to find work experience for a week, just testing the water with regard to future career possibilities. Another mentee told me that she is now going to stay at school next year. A couple of months ago she was adamant that she was going to leave.

These are a few of the positives from the week gone by. There are more. As the connection between mentor and mentee is firmed up, so there is movement in the type of activities the mentors are beginning to get involved in with their mentees.

50. 'GR8 MATES ROX!'

Thus wrote a student participating in the GR8 MATES program when the first surveys of our second and third programs were carried out earlier this week. How positive is that!

While there have been a few wobbles as a result of transient students, the programs are settling down and becoming very positive in all respects. Last week the mentors from one of the programs accompanied their mentees to a local Nepean Careers Market where they had the opportunity to visit a variety of stalls covering many possible careers, places of further study, Apprenticeship opportunities and so on. Approximately 6,600 students pass through this event over two days and it is easy for students to waste the time or to feel overwhelmed. Another mentor has assisted a student with the development of a career plan, offering extra time to take the student to a friend of hers who works in this field. On Wednesday night another mentor accompanied her mentee to the student's 2009 subject selection evening at the school and, judging from the emails that have been exchanged since then, this has further cemented the mentoring relationship. Another mentor is planning to introduce her menteee to a high profile sporting organisation towards the end of August if the mentee meets all his school commitments and so I could go on.

12 mentors are preparing for a matching session with students at the local High School where we concluded our first mentoring program recently. This promises to be an interesting occasion.

I shared some points with our mentors earlier today:

· Get out and about. Go for a walk and talk, rather than just settle in a chair and don’t move ie. bring variation into the mentoring meetings. If you move around a bit, this gets the oxygen flowing to the brain and the focus of the student will be consistently good!
· Use the computers for researching, checking emails etc.
· If you are sitting at a table, sit next to one another rather than across from one another. This leads to better communication, you can observe body language etc.
· Preferably sit some way apart from another mentoring pair so you can chat without being overheard.

Small things are being achieved as the program gets under way in these schools. The program only has another 10 weeks to run and it will be interesting to compare the evaluations at the end of the two current programs with those of the first program that took place over 10 months.

49. Celebration of Learning! What a lot of WOW moments!

Earlier this week the formal part of the first GR8 MATES pilot program came to an end with a Celebration of Learning at the school. A few parents attended, though we did not expect many, as it was held during the middle of a working day. Students and mentors received Certificates for participating in the program and both mentor and mentee shared something about their mentoring journey during the past nine months.

The presentations took a variety of forms. One mentor interviewed his mentee. Three mentees delivered brief Power Point presentations and some simply shared their moments in brief speeches. The power of effective mentoring was the message that shone through each and every presentation. One mentee shared how he was in a really bad space this time last year before joining the program. As a result of the time shared with his mentor, he is now motivated, focused, self-confident and has a definite career path which will include a university degree. He shared how difficult it was to share all his antisocial behaviour issues that were getting him into trouble, but his mentor had pointed out to him that, 'Failure is not a person!' They had processed everything and moved on.

Another mentee shared how her mentor had helped her shape a career path, had assisted her find work experience and had been such a strong support to her, a theme that was echoed by a number of the mentees. Another mentor shared what a privilege it was for her to be allowed to enter her mentee'slife and publicly thanked him for the opportunity to share. A mentee pointed out how much he had enjoyed the time with his mentor, chatting aboutthings he would not have talked to his parents about ....... and so it went on.

Jayden was a young person very unsure of himself when he joined the program. Nine months later he delivered a superb Power Point show of his jouney with his mentor, Margaret. He has given permission for extracts to be used, so here they are straight from his slides:


• When we were getting to know each other, (when we first met) we decided to look at what we had in common, which wasn’t a lot but we did have at least one thing in common and that was that we were both eager to work through this together and complete the tasks we set before us successfully.
• During the journey I changed my mind many times, I changed my mind about what kind of work I want to do, I changed my mind about how I want to live, I changed my mind about going to TAFE [ a tertiary institute] and I hope that all these changes will be for the best.
• I now know, I want to become a vet instead of a scientist, I want to spend less time wasting my time and using the time to help get me through life as a vet.
• I also know now that I don’t want to go to TAFE and with that spare time I will do voluntary work.
• From this mentoring journey I learnt a lot of things, things such as, What I wanted to do for my future career and how I was going to achieve the goals I set for myself. The mentoring journey has also showed me how I could improve my life so I wasted a lot less time on things that didn’t matter and I decided to use that time to help myself achieve my long term goals and I don’t think I could have achieved this without the help of my mentor and this mentoring program.

Jayden’s mentor, Margaret, publicly responded to his presentation and concluded with these words:

• I have enjoyed sharing this journey with Jayden. I have seen him grow in confidence and self-belief. He has made positive changes in his daily life, has discovered a career path that interests him and has become more assertive. I have enjoyed his sense of humour. I wish him well for his future and know that if he continues to believe in himself he will accomplish more than he ever dreamed of.

Marion also allowed me to share a poem she wrote for her mentor which she read out to everyone, another powerful testimony about the power of a mentoring relationship. This poem can be found on the website: http://www.yess.co.nz/ in the 'Mentor' section under the heading, 'Tribute to a Mentor from a Mentee.' Free to download for anyone wishing to share with a group of mentors in training or simply needing some encouragement.

And so I could go on - a memorable day which ended with a large feast enjoyed by one and all.

Letters were sent out to all mentors, mentees and the mentees' parents informing them that the formal part of the program has ended. A number of mentors will continue to meet regularly with their mentees until the end of the year and most appear keen to stay in touch.

I still need to collate all the Exit Surveys and other material completed at the end of the journey and will post some conclusions at a later date.

That same night the training ended for the next group of mentors beginning a new program at the same school. They are keen, motivated and anxious at the same time. We have to conclude the post-training mentor interviews when I return from two weeks leave :-) and then it's all go!!

48. First Program early evaluation results

The first pilot project of the GR8 MATES program comes to an end next week. This past week has been a time for reflection, completing Mentor Exit Surveys, Mentee Exit Surveys and the online Mentor Profiler and Student Performer. Although it's too early to make any conclusive statements, it is not too early to say that this first program has been a resounding success. Students who have completed the Student Performer online have shown growth in many areas. Early signs are showing that those students who have grown in self-confidence are beginning to make strides to reach their potential. As there has been more of a leaning towards school retention and the development of career pathways in this program, it is good to see how much more confident most students appear to be in these areas. I need to do a lot more work on the evaluations etc., but there is enough evidence to suggest that a school-based youth mentoring program like GR8 MATES can be life-changing for young people who have plenty of self-doubt and, perhaps, are beginning to disengage from school.

I am looking forward to seeing how the mentors have fared in the Mentor Profiler and hope that most of them will complete this during the forthcoming weekend.

The two other programs are becoming more settled. In one of the schools another mentee has left the school, so we are awaiting the paperwork from another student. Mentors involved in these processes are showing great patience and restraint, as it would be all too easy for them to walk away from the program. I keep all mentors informed of developments in the three programs via a weekly email note and the feedback about these tends to be positive. It's a small way of continually reminding them that they are valued.

On Tuesday night the next batch of mentors will complete their training. School holidays follows and then the matching process will begin in early August. I have had confirmation from the outgoing group of mentors that almost all want to continue in the program, if not in August then when we run another program in 2009.

47. Preparing for closure and some public speaking

The first GR8 MATES program will be concluding in a couple of weeks. One of our mentors gave a brief presentation on public speaking to the students, as each will be sharing something about their mentoring experience in the final Celebration of Learning event. 6 Hot Tips - Public Speaking can be found in the Peer Mentor section of the website (http://www.yess.co.nz/) .

After the presentation, mentors had a few minutes to chat about what they and their mentees would say when our video crew came around to interview them. The video crew are made up of Year 11 students (penultimate year of school). I met with them an hour earlier and told them of my plans to have a three minute video clip for the GR8 MATES website. During the mentoring session they visited the mentoring pairs and each participant shared something in 30 - 45 seconds. Next week the mentees will be completing their on-line Student Performer and the video team will film some of that as well as the Celebration of Learning. I am hoping that they will end up making two or three video clips we could use on a variety of occasions :-).

Anyway, I was chatting to a mentor and a mentee prior to the video clip being shot. We were talking about the Celebration of Learning and Simon, the mentee (not his real name), was saying that he intended to 'wing it' ie, make up his speech on the day. His mentor and I smiled. When it came to filming Simon, he froze! Highly amusing and I hope he has learnt something from that experience.

Most mentors commented that the public speaking presentation had been well-timed, as it had helped their mentees prepare more thoroughly for the video shoot.

At the end of the mentoring session one of the mentees came up to me to have a chat. He had been working with his mentor on management of time skills and had come to the conclusion that he was wasting far too much time, not allocating enough time to academic studies and needed to do something about it - lots of learning continues!

We have decided to allow mentors to invite their husbands and wives (where applicable) to the Celebration of Learning and it will be good if some are able to attend. One mentor has reminded me earlier today to invite someone from the local community newspaper - smart thinking and something I nearly overlooked. A reminder to develop a checklist for this Celebration of Learning for future reference.

The two other programs are getting under way slowly. I have had to remind the mentors not to be phased if their mentees are not responding to the email yet. Still early days and the connection between mentor and mentee is not there yet in the majority of cases.

In the one program the school has decided to give one of the mentees, who kept being away from school, a final chance to participate in the program, a good decision which we hope will pay off in the long-term.

I have also been preparing all the Parent, Mentor and Mentee Exit Surveys, whilst continuing to raise the profile of GR8 MATES by exploring different possibilities for future funding.

Yesterday a 10th school approached us keen for GR8 MATES to be included there. This morning the 11th school approached me for inclusion. The need is certainly there!!